WHAT WAS THAT????????

L&D Part Two…

So let’s be honest here.  When it came to what was going to happen when I had my little munchkin, I didn’t have a freaking clue.  I mean, in some ways I thought I did, but I didn’t.  And I knew it.  I didn’t have a Doula.  I really wanted one, but our tortured finances didn’t really allow for us to pay for one, and I was too shy to ask for someone to do it for me just simply out of the love in their hearts.  Well, really, I sorta asked one friend of mine, but I think we had some miscommunication and she didn’t realize what I was asking.  Or something.  Whatever, it’s cool.  I really have NO hard feelings about it.  And heck, when you’re in labor, let me tell you.  It is REALLY in your best interest to let as many things roll as you possibly can.

I recently dug through the archives and found Dooce’s labor story, about the birth of her daughter, Marlo.  I was very touched by everything she wrote.  A little jealous about some parts… like how she had a sea of people around her.  But then, I hadn’t made a solid plan for a support system.  I think I probably would have had a better experience if I had, but that’s what happens when you’re trying to prepare for something totally blind.  When it comes down to it, I had exactly who I needed in there with me in the end.  My husband and my rockin’ L&D Nurse, Melissa.  I will never forget that woman and all her daggum jewelry.  She was cracking me up.  Honest to Blog, I have NEVER seen a nurse with that much bling.  It was GREAT!!

So, anyway.  I was reading Dooce’s story (very much as a result of the encouragement of my friend Thea), and I decided I wanted to share mine with you.  Well, and, people have asked, so I finally decided to, eight months later, get off my duff and share!!!  I must warn you, however, I’m not going to spare any details.  If you think you might be easily grossed out, or have TMI aversion, don’t read this.  Seriously.  Don’t.  Or at least skip past the first couple paragraphs.

Week 39.  I’ve been saying all along this kid is coming early but she actually held out longer than even I had expected.  Leave it to a Leo to come into the world the way SHE wants, on her own terms, just so she can have her own day and be the center of attention.

We’re getting ready for church, LATE as usual, and I run to the bathroom before we walk out the door (I swear, I almost said “potty” just then because that’s the kind of term you use around an 8 month old.  Good grief.)  What I saw staring back at me when I sat down on the toilet was enough to make me completely freak out.  I sit there for a minute, call Scott in to examine the grossness, and get my poor friend Brooke on the phone so she can tell me what the HECK is going on!

Turns out, I lost my mucous plug.  The thought of describing it here is kinda gross, but let’s just call it the biggest snot rocket you’ve ever seen in your life.  With some blood in it.  Yum!!!!!  Brooke tells me that it could really mean anything, but she’s known some women to go into labor THAT day.  Well fabulous.  I wasn’t exactly prepared for this today, but cool.  Bag’s as packed as we’re gonna get it, and I guess we’ll just see what happens.

What’s even MORE fun, is that about 40 minutes or so later, my water broke!!!  I thought.  No seriously!  I wasn’t sure.  It was kinda like a drippy faucet with a slow leak that’s just really annoying.  It was enough for me to pull out the maxi pads and stuff a Depends in my purse (just in case).

As you can imagine, church didn’t exactly happen that morning.  Instead, we decided to go to the mall to walk around for a couple hours, just to help things progress along.  WHAT??????  YOU MEAN YOU DIDN’T GO STRAIGHT TO THE HOSPITAL?????  YOU CRAZED, IRRESPONSIBLE WOMAN!

Yeah, I know.  It’s cool.  I already knew I was spending as little time in that dratted hospital as I had to before giving birth.  I made these choices for a multitude of reasons I’ll happily explain in a rant post later on.  All about how you should labor at home for as long as you can stand it, yada yada.

After a couple hours of walking around the mall, stopping to catch myself on a contraction every 30 minutes or so, and basking under the AC fans that were saving me from the 90 degree August heat, (BLECH!!!!!) Hubbs dropped me off to meet mi madre and get PEDICURES!!!!!

Yeah.  I know.  Kinda funny, right?  I’m talking about how my water probably is broken, I’m having contractions, so it’s pretty obvious I’m in labor, and I decide to get my TOES done!!!!  Well, honey, for those of you who DON’T know, pregnant women aren’t terribly rational.  But it’s really in your best interest to go with it anyway.  And I was going to be DAMNED if I had ugly toes staring back at me while I was pushing a big fat watermelon out between my legs.  FORGET IT!!!

Well, once my toes were nice and purple, and we’d given all the girls at the nail salon their treat for the day of having a woman probably in labor in their store gettin’ her toes did, Mom and I drove off to… guess where?  HAHAHA!  Yeah, you totally don’t even know, and you’re never gonna guess.  But here’s a hint.  It’s not the hospital!

We went to my last day of WORK!!!!!

Did you pick your jaw up?  You gonna make it through the rest of this?  It’s ok, breeeathe.

All better now?  Ok, good.  Yes, so, Mom drove me to my last pet sit before going on indefinite maternity leave.  I’ll tell ya, they really scheduled it exactly right!  So, I’m inside this house, Mom’s waiting in the car, and I’m taking care of the food, water, and litter pans for NINE cats, and writing my last note for the owners who are coming home the next day.  That was one crazy house with the absolute SWEETEST owners I’ve ever had the pleasure to work with.  I’m finally wrapping up the visit, put the last cat in her room for the night and I was about to walk out the door.  When suddenly….

GUSH!  I didn’t have one of those crazy movie experiences where the woman ends up with a puddle around her feet, nothing that major, but I definitely noticed a difference!  The leaky faucet had picked up the pace.  In a PANIC, I run into the bathroom, sit on the toilet, and pull out my cell phone.  The call went something like this: “Mom…. can you bring me the Depends out of my purse?  I’m in the bathroom.”

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