I found this post, unfinished, in my old blog. I decided to dig it out just for you and post it. Enjoy!!
I’m Not Ready For This!!!!!
But then again, who ever really is? In any case, that is about the most accurate way to describe the way I’m feeling right about now. Panicky, unprepared, and like I’ve made the biggest mistake thinking I can safely and sanely bring a child into this world. What the hell was I thinking?! The truth is, I know it will pass. I’ll have my little girl in my arms and all that will matter is taking it one day at a time with her and learning how to do this whole “mommy” thing as I go. I’ll screw up, I’ll succeed, I’ll pray like crazy that I don’t ruin her life (haha!)… but it WILL all be fine. Momentary panic in overall peace. I guess that’s a pretty good way to express it.
I’m 35 weeks and 2 days today. Over the last couple days I’ve been experiencing new sensations, pains, and pressures that tell me the “end” is nearing. Sunday evening, my dad helped bring stuff to my house from the Baby Shower that the new grandmas-to-be (and great grandma!!) threw for me at my mom’s house. He was setting up the stroller and I was going through all the cute little girl clothes and trying to figure out what I should take with me to the hospital to bring her home in!! (If I were smart, I’d have taken pictures to show you right now… but I’m not smart so I didn’t. Sorry!!) I stood up and suddenly felt heavier than I had just a little while prior, and I started having what is described as “pelvic pressure.” No pain, just low pressure in the well, pelvic region. Duh! That continued on and off for maybe 30 minutes to an hour, and after my dad left I lay down for the rest of the night so I didn’t add any extra pressure to it. I was noticing that it increased when I walked around and seeing as I’m not quite ready to become a mom THIS week, I wanted to give it a rest.
Wow… I don’t even remember the rest of what I was going to say in that post. That’s disappointing. I will tell you, though, that I had the nurse line convinced I might go into labor in the next week or so. Thank GOD that didn’t happen!!! I’ve since come to learn that having a brief bout of contractions around 7 months is TOTALLY normal. Just take it easy, and the stupid crazies will usually go away. They did in my case, anyway. I played this game of dilating, closing back up, walking dogs and getting contractions, wondering if I was going to give birth on the sidewalk, and on and on. But she still held out for another 3 weeks and 5 days…